


Paws for Effect 2: This Time, It's Purrsonal

by PantsTerror



Series: Shameless Cat Pun Porn [2]
Category: Zero Escape: Zero Time Dilemma - Fandom
Genre: Ass Play, Cat Puns, F/M, Hand Job, Light Bondage, Rim job, Sexual Content, Shameless Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-01-20
Packaged: 2018-09-18 16:47:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9394274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PantsTerror/pseuds/PantsTerror
Summary: The look was complete. Her tall-dark-handsome husband was face-down, ass-up on the living room couch bound with yarn and beset with cat ears. And to think, there were timelines where this wasn’t happening.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [GrumpiestCat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrumpiestCat/gifts).



> Everyone should know that GrumpiestCat is the best bad influence for having requested a continuation of cat pun porn AND offered up this incredible title for me to use. Hope y'all enjoy the second-most embarrassing thing I've ever written. I can't believe this is the first time I'm writing Phi into one of these, I hope she's purroud of me.

“Oh, no leftovers this time,” Diana declined with a turnout of her palms. “We’ve gotta make a stop on the way home.”

She was careful not to send a sideways glance to Sigma, who was setting emptied plates next to the sink. Phi was still sat back in her chair with one arm slung over its back.

“Oh? You sure you don’t wanna swing back afterward to pick up some? You left your tupperware here last time anyway,” Phi said.

“No thanks. We’ve gotta pick up more food for Gab II and it’s closer to our place.”

Diana hoped her insistence would urge Phi to drop the offer and any questions about where they had to go. Just a week ago, Diana had accidentally shouted a verboten word at Sigma in bed—well, on the couch—and discovered a whole new truth about the man, and in turn, herself. She was trying to be excessively careful around the word “cat” and any allusion to the animal at all just in case it set off another of his episodes. Not because she thought he couldn’t handle it, but because the prospect reminded her of being  _ that _ unexpectedly turned on the first time that she was afraid to be in public if it happened again. And Phi’s place counted as just public enough to be embarrassing.

“Y’know, it’s a good thing you two have a dog,” Phi remarked.

Sigma shot a glare so loud it silenced the room. He crossed his arms. “Don’t…”

“Oh, you didn’t tell her?”

Diana gave her best impression of someone who was totally clueless, which was fortunately convincing but unfortunately couldn’t stop her from knowing exactly what Phi was going to say. 

“Phi, just—go to your room or something,” Sigma all but yelped.

“It’s pretty amusing actually,” Phi continued heedlessly. “He’s got this thing where if he thinks about cats, he starts talking in cat puns.”

Sigma crossed the kitchen with stern stamps. 

"Phi,” Diana addressed seriously. “That isn’t very… wait, you made chicken  _ cacc _ iatore on purpose, didn’t you?”

The smirk on Phi’s face was more than an answer. “I can’t believe he made it all the way through dinner without at least one slip. I guess it was the hidden structure of the word…”

“Still,” Diana strained, frowning at her grown daughter.

“I-I’m not feline well all of a sudden. We should go,” Sigma urged. He brushed past Diana and collected his shoes from the doorway.

“What, I’m not allowed to prank him anymore? I thought it’d be a good icebreaker. It’s been awhile since we’ve had ‘family’ dinner,” Phi justified. “Unless… you already knew about that can of worms.”

Diana kept her gaze downturned, since the blush would surely give her away. “Come on, now. I told you we’d have errands after this. If you get in a fight with Sigma, we’re not gonna get there before it closes.”

Phi let out a single chuckle. “You’re really sure you don’t wanna go down this rabbit hole with him? It’s hours of entertainment.”

“I’m sure,” Diana assured. She put her hand on Sigma’s shoulder. “Come on, we’re headed out. We’ll see you later, Phi.”

The walk to the car was silent; only the low-volume radio kept Diana’s sanity as she drove the planned route to the pet store. They couldn’t  _ not _ get food for Gab II. This was supposed to be their quick little stop before the true date night began, and for him to try and cat-trol the impulse that brought her so much enjoyment before seemed uncharacteristic.  

At a traffic light, Diana took a glance at the man in the passenger seat, who bundled awkwardly toward the window. They hadn’t talked about what happened much beyond  _ when _ it happened, after all. How could he know she still felt as frustrated as ever, but in the good way? How could he know she was trying to stop it from happening where he couldn’t control it?

She chose a spot toward the edge of the shopping center and parked.

“Hey, Sigma? I was really trying to avoid that happening with Phi. It seems like she gave you a hard time about it,” Diana said.

Sigma sighed. “I thought after all these years it would fade paw-ay, but when it happened last week… I just didn’t want to bring it up in case you were uncomfurtable.”

Hesitantly, she reached out and put her hand to the back of his cheek, which was starting to prickle with stubble. “I know I can’t convince you, but I really do… like it a lot, and not in a mocking way. And it gives me something nice to think about.”

He was still frowning. Why was he still frowning?

“I suppaws… ah, shit. Sorry.”

As she looked at him, it occurred to her that there was only one way she could make him understand his value, understand that  _ she, too _ had been embarrassed by her reaction and that he needed to honor this aspect of himself if for no other reason than that she enjoyed it, dammit.

Embrace it.

“Hey, why don’t you go and get the food for Gab II and I’ll stop by that craft store real quick, so you know nobody will be provoking you?” she offered. When he was about to speak, she continued. “I know, maybe you’d wanna stay in the car, but I forgot about this one little thing I was gonna get and it’ll be faster if you help me out with that.”

“You’re not wrong, but I wish you’d said that sooner. I’d’ve picked it all up on the way home earlier instead of now,” he replied.

She took the keys from the ignition and offered a smile in the cabin’s light. “Thanks. Promise I’ll make this quick and we can go right home.”

Barely waiting for Sigma to de-buckle and exit the car, Diana set off diagonally across the parking lot to the big-name craft store. As she strode, she dug in her purse for the weekly half-off coupon that she’d stashed by the tissue pack. Until now, she hadn’t thought of a use for clipping one out of the newspaper; but until a week ago, she didn’t have a need for some purrfectly-themed seduction, and there was the tiniest part of her mind that had wanted to subtly decorate the house with balls of yarn just so he’d notice offhand and make the whole incident happen again.

The yarn aisle was unfortunately farthest back in the store, so she tried to jet through the other sections with blinders on as much as possible. The wall of it was colorful and somewhat confusing, making her wonder if any one pack yarn was better than another for… well, what she was thinking of. Was red too cliché? Was blue not playful enough?

She settled on a strong-looking pink one, testing its buoyancy by squishing it in her hand. Probably soft but strong? Maybe she wasn’t the best choice for choosing ties, but she wanted to maintain her theme to really get the point across.

Although she charged to the checkout line intent on her one item, the line was long and tedious, and her gaze floated to the products stuffed in discount bins. One of her old friends in nursing school warned her about craft stores but she wouldn’t have believed the devilish pull of the clearance rack until she noticed the single headband among bits of jewelry and off-brand hand soap.

It was white with cat ears on it. Easily marketed for dress-up, given the bright pink inner ear accents. 

Originally, the yarn was meant for  _ him  _ to wrap  _ her  _ in, but when she spied those cat ears, she only imagined them on Sigma’s head. Slightly-too-small ears atop a flushed face—she could see him now, but fuzzy, like a morphogenetic dream.

She snatched them off the rack as though the next person in line might steal them first, and tried not to make conversation with the cashier. 

Upon returning to the car, Sigma asked, “Did you get what you needed?” 

“What? Oh,” Diana replied, clutching the too-translucent plastic bag close to her side. “Yeah, I got it. Let’s go home.”

The drive was thankfully short and Sigma did seem in better spirits. Diana felt as though she was sweating too much, but the familiar rush of excitement to her stomach reminded her that it was all in good time, this experiment of hers.

“You should, uh… Go wash off that pet store smell,” Diana risked once they’d settled in.

Sigma’s expression became more curious. “You want me to take a shower?”

She blushed and nodded. She hoped it wouldn’t give away her motive. “Please? A-a thorough one… I’ll let Gab II out.”

He finally grinned. “I guess it IS date night,” he noted. He headed to their bathroom without question.

After a quick stop outside with the overjoyed pup, Diana put Gab II in her office with a closed door.

“I’m sorry, li’l guy. We’ll let you out in a bit.”

She  _ did _ feel a bit guilty, but she knew if she stopped herself now, she’d never get the guts to actually do what she wanted. She waited for Sigma eagerly, taking off only her sweater. Before he returned, she gathered a few necessary evils: an old towel different from the one they usually used, a glove from her under-sink stash, and the lube from her bedside drawer. She carefully set them on the far kitchen table out of the immediate line of sight. She couldn’t decide whether to have the yarn out, so she kept it in the bag and perched on the arm of the couch until he showed up in the hallway, hair still dewy. And without so much as a hand towel to cover him.

“Is this what you meant?” he asked.

Diana didn’t usually balk at the sight of his familiar body naked, but knowing that she was about to try something novel without guidance of his stories from “their other timelines” turned her a healthy shade of red.

“I-it’ll do,” she managed. “Come here.”

He seemed to take slow steps toward her before she rose to tiptoe to wrap her arms around him.

“I wish you were in there with me,” Sigma whispered, sending prickles down her neck.

She splayed her hands on his back and gripped with individual fingers, careful not to dig too deeply.

“I’m here  _ meow _ …”

Sigma leaned back to give her a chiding look before zoning in on her mouth, which he kissed briefly before remarking, “I see why you were going to send meowt on that errand alone.”

He tugged at her shirt, but she didn’t give into his request. 

“No, not me… I want to play with you tonight,” she said softly. Then, feeling suddenly like the room was too large, she added, “U-uh, if that’s okay, if, if you’d like that sort of thing…”

But instead of turning away, Sigma pressed her closer. From what she felt hard on her stomach, he didn’t seem averse.

“I wanted… to… show you that…”

"You don’t have to explain. I think I can compurrehend where this is going,” Sigma said at barely a whisper.

While all she wanted was to reciprocate a kiss on his incoming lips, it was time to start the act. She playfully pushed him away.

“All right, then. Go sit on the couch please,” she said. “Er—pawlease. Er—just sit on it, no please!”

Sigma flopped down, bemused smirk emerging on his otherwise placid face. Diana rushed to the plastic bag and tore the labels off the yarn skein. When she looked back at him and remembered his size, she wondered if she’d bought enough. But she would have to save at least a little no matter what.

She presented it in one hand and fumbled to grab the end of the yarn with the other.

“I’m gonna tie you up nya-ow.”

As she unraveled the strand, she walked through what she remembered of safe knots to tie and lamented not having taken a brief moment to research online. Luckily, it was just yarn—she’d cut him free if it seemed dangerous.

“If it’s okay, I’m going to tie your hands behind your back s… so there’s no  _ whisker _ you trying to touch yourself. Because that’s my job,” she continued. 

Sigma gazed at her. “I think I can manage. I’ve enjoyed this without the use of my arms before.”

The blush in her strengthened, but she began to loop the yarn around him. It wasn’t as simple as she’d hoped. She twisted a few strands into a knot.

“Oh, could you kneel?” she asked, façade lifted for the sake of safety.

Sigma took to his knees on the cushions, which brought him to a better level for Diana’s efforts. She tied carefully around his chest, brought his triceps backward and bound them together.

“Tell me if it’s too tight.”

Sigma shook his head, entranced by the ties forming around him. As if Diana had to check—but she did anyway—he was still mostly hard and she avoided touching him there as she worked. That her last-minute idea pleased him seemed lucky, but part of her wondered if he’d said it in his sleep. She was grateful regardless. She drew his mouth to her for a long, open kiss. Though he still leaned to her, she broke it when she remembered the yarn still in her hand.

“Oh, I think I’m done! B-bend over that way,” she ordered. She helped him lower his shoulders and head to the cushion, planting the most patronizing of kisses on his head. 

Clutching the still-attached yarn ball, she stuttered out her next command. “I’m gonna… I’m gonna put the rest of this in your mouth now. I figure… if you can’t say anything, you won’t have any  _ cat _ astrophic outcomes.”

She added quickly, “A-and not to ruin the mood but since I won’t be able to hear your safe word, I give you permission to, uh, spit it out… um, if you need to.”

“You’ve cat to trust me, I will,” Sigma responded.

She lodged the sphere of yarn between his open teeth.

Walking across the room for the rest of her supplies allowed Diana to fully look him over. While the curve of his spine tilted his muscular ass exactly as high as she wanted, his face was digging too much into the cushions.

"Hold on, I’m gonna move—mewve—a pillow under you, you’re gonna hurt your back,” she said. He made an assenting grunt as she made her way back and helped his shoulders up and over one of the decorative matching pillows from the couch set, then set down the old towel in what she guessed would be a good location under him.

There.

She settled back. All the distance of instructional diagrams from nursing school couldn’t match the image of the man prone on his knees before her. Still, she tried retain her most professional grin as she snapped a nylon glove over her right hand. She now gathered what it’d do to him; not this Sigma, but one from a similar enough timeline flashing before her that she could remember his flushed face while she had him—shall we say—quite literally wrapped around her finger.

She looked at his face now and realized what was missing.

“Whoops, can’t  _ fur _ get that.” She hopped over to the plastic bag by the door and took out the little white cat-ear headband.

He may have let out a sigh as the thing was placed on his head, but it didn’t matter. The look was complete. Her tall-dark-handsome husband was face-down, ass-up on the living room couch bound with yarn and beset with cat ears. And to think, there were timelines where this  _ wasn’t _ happening.

Diana toted the bottle of lube to the couch, tossing it at Sigma’s feet and settling into a kneel. Leaving his legs unbound meant he’d be able to open to her in a more comfortable way. She nudged the left leg, and he placed his foot on the floor to compensate for the change.

Her hands grabbed his haunches, trailing up to the knotted web and working underneath the individual lines of yarn. His torso moved against the touch. She tried to snap one of the lines, but the yarn was either too loose or too soft to give her the satisfaction of a little smack on skin, so instead she traced around to where the yarn gathered in the front. To reach around at this angle, she had to lean up and over him, transferring some weight.

Just a bit farther… there—she tugged at his nipples, feeling his ribcage humming with the resulting moan. There wasn’t a good way to turn him while bound like this. Not that she bemoaned the view, but there were going to be some things that were harder to reach, and nipples were one. 

She fell back and admired her limited but delightful view. Sigma’s calf was wedged between her and the couch, and his other leg shook slightly as it held his buttocks aloft. Below, his balls slightly obscured his weighty cock, which she’d have to encourage to be even more swollen soon. Above, his hands still rested on the small of his back. She leaned to kiss the outside of his fist.

His response was again a muffled grunt, which Diana honored by reaching her hand through his legs to give him a single squeeze. Longer muffled groan. She watched the yarn carefully before setting her mouth toward the taut skin before her.

Strokes of her tongue ran vertical up Sigma’s ass. Already he was tensing from her teases, and she fought against her desire to relieve him by reminding herself of how embarrassed she felt the week before. Give him that kind of loss of control.

She’d always wondered if she’d try it, but when she let her tongue wander closer to the pucker of his anus, Diana felt the haughty confidence of hearing him yelp. Emboldened, she kept tongueing him, down to the perineal transition, around to the crux of his legs until her own saliva painted him and she smelled her own warm breath.

Pleased, she reached back for the lube and smattered it on him, catching the runoff with her gloved hand. Resisting the urge to give his bottom a playful slap, she edged her middle finger into the central ring of muscle.

In.

And with a slight push, past the second ring and brushing into his prostate.

Sigma let out a hard sigh into the yarn, breathing in deep from flaring nostrils. He flexed his hips at Diana’s steady fingers.

“More?” she asked, pressing into the gland. Her ring finger worked its way beside the middle slowly. For as ashamed as she was of her nervous fingernail-chewing, it made the decision harmless. 

She glanced to see an affirmative upturn of his brows accompanied by general squirming of his open legs. More, then, as she pulsed her fingers purposefully. Through his legs, Sigma’s erection bobbed as he tensed. But more interesting were the cat ears, which were starting to slip between the grain of the sofa and his strained head.

Diana watched his hands struggle against the yarn bonds but didn’t see any sign of danger, so she brought her free hand to her mouth and gave it a sloppy lick. She was careful to touch the back of her hand somewhere lower on his inner thigh before bringing it up to graze his balls, then grasped the whole of her little hand around that most aching part of him. He shuddered; she waited, then dipped the fingers inside him at a bit more of an angle, feeling the way he pumped into her hand and drove back into her fingers.

Oh, he was starting to sweat off that little shower. She could feel the perspiration shuddering against her moving forearm. From her vantage, it was difficult to see what her hand was doing, but she could feel a drop of fluid when she moved up to brush her palm against the head of his cock. He didn’t move considerably, still caught between her opposing hands. The muscles in his buttocks did tense, and she thought it a good time to caress the skin there with light kisses. 

Whatever he had to say about it was muffled yelps. Probably too distracting to be torturous, those marks of her lips. Part of her wanted to hear his whimpers clearer, and part of her wanted to be under the hulk of him, feeling his weight rock against and through her—but the other part knew that only this would make him feel as out of control as she did when he’d made her laugh at his cat phrases. She’d get hers next time. Now was when she needed him eager at her fingertips.

She glanced around him to view his face again. Surely the wool was moist, drooled-upon, and scratchy, but the image it produced by being in Sigma’s mouth in combination with those ears delighted Diana. His expression was so drawn in that it seemed agonized, which would be exactly to plan. It was supposed to be a slightly vengeful little death, after all.

Her sticky hand barely moved now, and it was the pushing of his hips that drove him into her palm. It was all she could do to make sure it was just frustratingly loose enough that he wouldn’t lose it too soon, but maintaining her grip inside of him simultaneously proved difficult. She couldn’t say she was surprised. It wasn’t the first prostate she’d felt in her lifetime, but the constant pressure of the muscles around her fingers made her wonder whether she was losing feeling in them, and despite the tightness, major effort sustained that push where he seemed to like it. Only for a moment did she wonder if it felt anything like when he fingered her—she remembered all the accommodations of her own sex, which she found to be blood-flushed as soon as she thought of it.

Sigma’s arms were askew in their yarn trapping, and whether they were untying wouldn’t be something Diana could fix now, anyway. She dug deeper, smelling the sweat of him rising, feeling her fingers drawn even more inside him, hearing screeching inhales and exhales that accompanied his worked-up body. Then he was moving almost mechanically, familiarly, and she obliged to encircle his cock as he worked into her hand.

Before she could wonder whether it was revenge enough to let him get off at all, she felt the first spurt hot against her fingers. And another, and another, and she let him ride out the waves as he came for longer than she thought he might. She watched his face twisting, his eyes slammed shut. Only when he stopped moving did she think to check the hastily-placed drop towel. 

“Oh my… Sigma,” she said quietly, trying to remove the alarm in her tone. She let go of him gently to wipe her hand on the corner of the towel, but didn’t remove her right fingers.   
  
“Mnggff?”

Right—the yarn. She reached up and dislodged the yarn ball, met with what she could only imagine was recoiling dry mouth. The cat ears thoroughly lopsided his skull.

“What?” he prompted again, free of his gag.

“Y-you came more than I’ve ev _ -fur _ seen…” 

He didn’t need to look down to know. Thank goodness the towel had been still-folded, but Diana prayed for its powers of absorbency.

“It felt like... it was mostly the whole time.” 

A chill ran down the back of Diana’s legs. “Really? But you only just… Is that what it’s like?”

“They say that… curiosity killed…” Sigma closed his eyes, and Diana kissed his shoulder reverently.

“Well, don’t you dare SHIFT on me, Sigma Klim.” She smiled, then tested to make sure her fingers were still in circulation, eliciting a soft moan from him. “Can I take these out now?”

“Go slower than you think you need to.” 

Diana nodded, watching the pink yarn on his back while slowly sliding her fingers out of his anus.

He’d kept his eyes closed, which made for a quick trip to the trash can, sink, and a grab of some scissors before she returned. He seemed content to lie there with his shapely bottom still aloft, and Diana mourned having to cut him loose—until next time, anyway. 

“Brought your water bottle. Let’s get you out of this mess I made.”

She carefully wadded the towel and wiped it across him before setting it aside, then cut through the pink lines to free him. He rotated his wrists fervently, then settled on his side.

Diana handed him the water bottle, which he nearly emptied. Then she eased onto the slice of couch he’d left for her, not-fully-dry hands careful not to offend his naked skin. For all the excitement of this endeavor, she felt the most content to dig her face into his shoulder and rest with him for a moment before acknowledging that in the next room over, their dog had begun to scratch the door.

“Did you like date night?” she said, sweetly hanging for his reply.

“I liked it. I think I even like you,” Sigma said into her hair.

She smiled. “Am I the bee’s knees?” 

“Dianya, you’re the cat’s meow.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is my only unused note in the story document: "Secretly at the pet store Sigma bought a collar for himself BUT HE’S NOT A FURRY OK"


End file.
